My clinical placement will be starting next week, and I went for a pre-placement site visit last morning. This placement is a non-traditional occupational therapy placement - I will be working with the homeless population. It breaks my heart to see people sleeping rough on the streets, and I've always wanted to get to know the people better. I've always wondered what were the stories behind, and what I could other than just buying them food. I had everything I need, and they would be there, sitting on the streets and shivering in the cold. Sometimes, I feel so ashamed to even walk past them. I felt like a show-off, and I felt guilty. We are all humans - how can our lives be so strikingly different?

As much as I was excited about this placement, I felt equally nervous. I did a little research, and it gave me some insight into the lives of the homeless population - a most socially excluded population. About how most of them have had experiences of trauma, abuse, mental health problems, and substance dependence is a norm. It's a downward spiral and a terribly vicious cycle.

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 “I became who I didn’t want to be, have done things that I would never have done...like, that I wish I’d never done. I’ve been driven, been on the last of it like. Had no choice but to punch somebody to take their money off them or do something ‘cause I’ve been that hungry, that cold, that wet, that alone”

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“Struggling to live, basically”

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My mother suffered a nervous breakdown at the time I was born and my father was incarcerated. . . . My mother was depressed all the time. . . . She was always in a sleep state. . . . I watched my grandparents, whenever mom was flipping out . . . that is what we would call it. She would talk crazy; kind of psychotic. . . . My grandmother would hold my mother and my grandfather would slap my mother across the face to try to get her out of it. It was very traumatic . . . very painful.

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(Excerpts from "Reflections of a homeless population's lived experience with substance abuse" & 

"A qualitative exploration of lived experience of being homeless")

The scariest thing in the world is to lose hope and I just can't imagine how much these people have been through. It doesn't even sound real. I read about how they might be wary of strangers, especially towards "(health) professionals", and I felt worried about not being able to build rapport. I can't be more thankful that my placement site visit went on smoother than I've expected! It was overwhelming, but it was great. I had nice little chats with the people there, and I should think that I'm generally well-liked. The organisation that I'm attached to is a charity organisation that offers hot meals to the homeless and socially excluded people, and provide access to educational & recreational activities. There are no occupational therapists here, and my supervisor is a lovely lady who works to develop the educational activities. My supervisor was so welcoming, and so enthusiastic in wanting to learn "occupational therapy strategies"from me. We discussed about some plans for the next 9 weeks that I'll be there, and I'm so excited! I've got tiny, big plans, and I sincerely hope that I'll be able to make a (little bit of) difference. I feel so passionate about this whole thing that I think I should just work here. I love mental health.

I think I sound a little incoherent because it's almost 3am now. I should be getting some sleep.